He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
