bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
