Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I CAN MOONWALK!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
