I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
