Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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