dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
bring money and cleavage
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
