idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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