Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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