So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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