Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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