His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have fence marks all over my body
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize