How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
