the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
