I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
