This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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