Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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