Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
3pm strippers are depressing
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
