it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
