somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
