I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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