i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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