I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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