I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
