If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
