why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
