I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
