That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize