im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
