i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
