he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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