No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I can't turn off my feet"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
