Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
