I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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