thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
