I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
