i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
