You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
