Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
