I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
