Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
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