so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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