so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
