My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
