Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I AM VODKA MAN
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
