That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
