Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
