This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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