Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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