Having a random hookup so left but love u
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
