I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
