For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
