remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
