We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
