the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
