I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
should my penis look like a turkey
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
