I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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