My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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