Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
