the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
