I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
