Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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