im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
what day is it and did you see me today?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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