you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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