I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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