He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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