I can text with my tongue
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
