Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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