Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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