don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We were destined to go to rehab together
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
