dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
