I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You left your phone here
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