Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
