No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
