I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
