so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
