i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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