just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
