You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
