Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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