What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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